Cultivating Roots in Surrendered Based Trust during a time of Chaos & Fear

Dear one, it is in the moments where fear and worry are so accessible that it is the most medicinal to access the part of you that lives in Surrendered Based Trust. 

Surrendered Based Trust: My deep trust in exactly What Is, right now. My trust in whatever the Universe lays in front of me, no matter how different that path is then the plan I had once formed. My unwavering trust in this moment, this experience, this challenge, this opportunity, this feeling.

Surrendered Based Trust is about releasing my attachment to the idea that I know how things “should” be, or that I need to know why anything is happening.

I trust what is happening simply because it is here, right now. This is Surrendered Based Trust.

My journey to cultivating such a deep, unwavering trust in the moment began many months ago: I was on the island of Maui, by myself and me and my partner were experiencing very painful challenges in our relationship. Being so far away from him was so hard, and I...

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Trusting Your Body’s Wisdom when your Mind has a Different Plan

Everyone claims they don’t know what they want.

I don’t buy it.

Each of us has an innate wisdom lives in our body. Our body knows about our safety and our best-interest decision, always.

I think we’re scared to admit that we know what we want because often times the Truth of my Desires, comes with pain. Comes with risk. Comes with fear.

Requires Trust to take the leap.

I sit here, writing to you today in the depths of a very dark experience. Tears flow down my face as I write these words onto this page.

Over the weekend, a series of events happened. Following those events my body asked What are we doing here? Is this relationship in alignment anymore?

So, I write to you from the depths of the Mind-Body Disillusionment. 

The other day, I woke up on a Sunday morning in my Mountain Home, alone. I hadn’t been present with my partner in over four days. And as I awoke, alone and surprised to be alone, my body began to contract.

I felt tense pain in my chest,...

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The Difference Between Attachment and Love

Love. It’s a word we use so freely that it’s actual meaning can feel quite devoid. What is Love truly?
 
Is Love something that we can give to someone, only to ‘take back’ moments later when they’ve disappointed our expectations?
 
Is Love something we have to earn?
 
Is Love something we inherently are made of?
 
These are the questions I am here to unpack today.
 
In order to anchor this conversation down with something tangible, I will be referencing examples and experiences from my own partnership to illustrate this message.
 
When I say I love you, what do I really mean?
I will love you, as long as you love me?
I will love you, as long as you don’t hurt me?
I will love you, as long as you’re following our rules?
 
When I think of Love in such a disposable way, it feels cheap, fraud and devalued in my eyes. Does Love truly exist under such circumstantial preferences?
...
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Four Misconceptions about Personal Boundaries

Boundaries do not equal No.
 
We live in a time and culture where fear is abundant, and safety feels like a bonus, so it’s no wonder that boundaries are becoming a more popular topic of conversation.
 
And as the conversation becomes more mainstream, so leaks the endless information, some quite valid and helpful, and some quite misleading and destructive.
 
Boundaries are often described as putting up a wall, NO, a means of disconnection, or something to be used hastily in a moment when that weird guy is hitting on you at the club.
 
Boundaries are ACTUALLY an incredibly empowering tool that allow me to invite others into a version of more authentic and consensual connection with me.
 
If boundaries are SO amazing, why don’t people use them?
 
Fear.
 
Fear that I will hurt their feelings. Fear that I won’t be liked if I set a boundary. Fear that nobody will enforce my boundary anyway, so what’s...
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Freelationships: A New, Empowering Relationship Paradigm

COMPLETE FREEDOM & RADICAL SELF EXPRESSION IS POSSIBLE IN THE CONTEXT OF A DEEPLY COMMITTED PARNTERSHIP! And it feels AMAZING! Do you believe me?
 
Freelationship : An intentional union of two people in pursuit of mutual Self-discovery, Personal-Growth and Mission-Driven Purpose. Celebrates & Encourages Authentic Expression, Vulnerability and Fluidity within the committed Union. Recognizes that the constructs of our Partnership will change and evolve as both individuals continue to change and evolve. Nourishes the Life Force of the Union with Badass Communication and Mutual Desire to Mindfully tend to the connection.
 
As my beautiful beau and I have continued to create, redesign and lovingly tend to our Partnership over the last 2 and some years, I’ve been thinking:
I’m not a huge beacon for labels. And yet, as a teacher and leader in the Relationship world, I want to talk about mine & Warren's partnership with clarity in what we...
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The Paradox of Intimacy: Embracing Space & Closeness

Most of us have probably heard bits of traditional advice surrounding relationships, something like In order for a relationship to work, you must have similarities AND differences. So the concept of embracing Separateness in Intimate Relationships as much as Closeness, may be a familiar idea. And yet, WHY is does this contradicting paradox exist in the realm of Intimate Relationships?
 
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: Intimacy, is the connection of two separate individuals; coming together to create a NEW, third entity, which is “us”. While the connection of the two, the joining, the togetherness, is what technically defines the intimacy-- there is something else to consider.
 
Intimacy cannot exist without separateness. As intimacy is the joining of separate individuals-- if the separate individuals cease to exist (joined/morphed together)-- how is INTIMACY to prevail?
 
In other words: In order for intimacy to exist between...
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Why You're Still Single

Being single can be a glorifying experience of self-discovery and limitless expression for some people, sometimes.
 
And other times, the experience of being single is the result of one failed relationship and challenging connection after another.
 
For some of you reading, the experience of not being able to find the right person is very real.
If you’re single, and you wish you were not-- this article is for you.
 
Before I go any further, I’d like to preface this article with a little context. There is nothing wrong with You. You, are magnificent. And, You are a human being, beautifully and imperfectly so. The goal of this article not to leave you feeling like You are bad, wrong, or flawed. Rather, I hope to highlight a new perspective, a different view on creating Love that will empower you moving forward in your life.
 
I talk to a lot of people about love and relationships. I reach out to my Tribe almost daily gathering...
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The Importance & Role of Safety in Partnership

Safety-- this word is tossed around quite a lot in intimacy and relationship space. And for good reason, Safety is an absolutely crucial puzzle piece to creating and sustaining a thriving, mutual partnership (in my view).
 
What exactly does safety entail though? I feel safe that my partner will not physically abuse me...is that enough? How can me and my partner actually establish a baseline of safety in our union?
 
Safety in Relationship is the knowing that both myself and my partner honor ourselves, each other & our union with compassion, love & respect in every given moment. Safety means that even when we are facing difficult challenges, we still adhere to our mutual agreements around trust, behavior and communication. Safety is the knowing that we have each others back, above having the backs of any outsiders. Safety means US FIRST.
 
What I just described are some of many ways I experience safety in my personal relationships. And the...
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How your Personal Insecurities plague your Partnership

Painful is the experience of enduring seemingly senseless waves of emotions in a disorganized reaction to to the present moment.
 
These waves, can appear to be unfounded in their nature and destructive in their energy. The side affects of these experiences can range from confusion, disorientation to great fear, anxiety and paralyzation.
 
These experiences I describe, are those of a deep rooted insecurity swimming it’s way to the surface of my existence. This is, the moment when my partner shares something with me and I feel the sensation of a 200 pound sandbag dropping into the pit of my stomach.
How do you experience your insecurities? Perhaps they are buried, organized and set aside, and they do not pay you many conscious visits at all. Perhaps, they are ignored, shamed, and sometimes make startling, surprise visits from the depths of your memory banks and subconscious. Quite possibly, your insecurities stay hidden, quiet and obsolete. And when they do...
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Your Partner is your Sacred Mirror (Shift from Criticism to Calling Forward)

Romantic, Long-Term Love: The most terrifying and enchanted experience of this Life on Earth. And, the entire reason we are here.
 
Why is it that we all desire to be in love?
 
Is it a force so natural and embedded deep within us that it is an honoring of lineage to feel such desire?
 
Is it because the idea of falling in love is rich in the media, displayed as an act of pure bliss and alignment that seems to last forever?
 
Or is it because we are each searching for something, hoping to feel Whole and Complete, in the act of connecting to and loving another person?
 
Here’s the thing so many seem to miss: To Love someone is so much more complex than we’ve allowed ourselves to realize. You see, to truly loving someone means to identify and embrace ALL sides of that person. That means their lightness, their joy, their brilliance and their darkness, their pain, their shadows.
I have developed my own theory on why it is that...
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