Romantic, Long-Term Love: The most terrifying and enchanted experience of this Life on Earth. And, the entire reason we are here.
Why is it that we all desire to be in love?
Is it a force so natural and embedded deep within us that it is an honoring of lineage to feel such desire?
Is it because the idea of falling in love is rich in the media, displayed as an act of pure bliss and alignment that seems to last forever?
Or is it because we are each searching for something, hoping to feel Whole and Complete, in the act of connecting to and loving another person?
Here’s the thing so many seem to miss: To Love someone is so much more complex than we’ve allowed ourselves to realize. You see, to truly loving someone means to identify and embrace ALL sides of that person. That means their lightness, their joy, their brilliance and their darkness, their pain, their shadows.
I have developed my own theory on why it is that each of us feels and unconscious, determined pull towards connecting with another, falling in love and creating something together.
It is in (what I coined) Perceptive Partnership that we have the opportunity to encounter deep healing through the experience of being Truly Loved. I think we are drawn to another, in order to connect and be in-love, yes. And also, to uncover our own self-created barriers to love, and deal with those.
“Your greatest task is not to seek for love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
As Rumi so beautifully expresses, it is through partnership that we can seek and discover the barriers within yourself, that are stopping us from experiencing True Love.
So, contrary to popular belief, we don’t choose a partner who we be the most compatible, check the most boxes off of our checklist, and give us the experience of easy and unconditional love. Rather, we unconsciously find attraction to a partner who will help to highlight our own unconscious blocks by simply BEing themselves.
This is why I see my partner as my sacred mirror. It works like this: He goes around the world being himself. This includes his perceived strengths as well as his perceived flaws, all the same. One day, the act of him being himself will trigger or upset me in some way, to which I will respond by revealing some of my own shadow-side (because now I’m upset, hurt, un-resourced and responding as such).
It is this dynamic right here (typically looks like conflict in partnership) that is the juicy groundwork for inner transformation and growth.
So, we attract partners who will reflect to us our Greatness and Brilliance, and they will reflect to us our Shadows and Weaknesses. (Sacred Mirror)
And it is our job to learn to decipher between these two. It is our job (as a human being existing on this planet to grow and evolve) to learn to decipher the Calling-Forward that is typically buried in the Criticism.
So, when you’re partner seemingly criticizes you, see if you can breath, take a moment, and uncover the way in which they are Calling you Forward to be a better, more-fulfilled You.
Because, our Perceptive Partner can see our Brilliance as well as our Shortcomings more clearly than anyone else.
Here’s an Example: Jan’s been feeling uninspired, lounging around the house for a few days (nothing wrong with this). Frank (her partners) notices, and this is out of character for her, so on the third day he says something to her.
Frank: Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been stuck in the house for three days now. Why don’t you get up, clean up, and take a walk somewhere? Maybe grab coffee down the street.
Jan feels jolted, as she wasn’t expecting input at this moment. She was relaxing and not looking for Frank’s opinion. She instantly feels judged, attacked and criticized by Frank.
In reality, Frank noticed Jan in the house and he sensed that she was feeling depressed. He knows (from experience with Jan) that getting out in the sunshine always cheers her up. He wants Jan to feel joy, and deep inspiration in her life. Frank requested that Jan get up and clean up because he wants the absolute best for her. He knows that her higher self is pushing to get her off the couch, while her Pain Self is convincing her to stay stuck and uninspired. In Franks perception, he is Calling Jan Forward to show up as a more true and alive version of herself, because he loves her.
But do you see how easily Jan could interpret this as Criticism from Frank?
And so here we have an example of the common misconception and miscommunications that occur between couples on a daily basis.
It is with this knowledge and understand that You can go out into the world, back into your partnership, with an intention in mind.
And that intention might be to see if you can uncover the LOVE underneath the perceived criticism you receive from your partner.
You could even clarify in a moment “Hey, are you asking me to get off the couch and clean up because you deeply love me and want to see me Thriving instead of suffering?”
Sometimes, the advice or request is unsolicited and even unwelcome. However, you can allow your own heart to soften knowing that your partner shared this with you in honor of Loving you, not Criticizing and Hurting you.
Thank you for your precious moments in reading today. Please do reach out to me personally with any thoughts, comments, questions or stories of your own! I love to keep the conversation going :)
You can keep it going with me via Instagram (@RelationshipBadass) or Facebook (@NikkiSunshineLoves).