Everyone claims they don’t know what they want.
I don’t buy it.
Each of us has an innate wisdom lives in our body. Our body knows about our safety and our best-interest decision, always.
I think we’re scared to admit that we know what we want because often times the Truth of my Desires, comes with pain. Comes with risk. Comes with fear.
Requires Trust to take the leap.
I sit here, writing to you today in the depths of a very dark experience. Tears flow down my face as I write these words onto this page.
Over the weekend, a series of events happened. Following those events my body asked What are we doing here? Is this relationship in alignment anymore?
So, I write to you from the depths of the Mind-Body Disillusionment.
The other day, I woke up on a Sunday morning in my Mountain Home, alone. I hadn’t been present with my partner in over four days. And as I awoke, alone and surprised to be alone, my body began to contract.
I felt tense pain in my chest, heaviness in my stomach, and tension in my shoulders and heart.
The question that arrived in my mind shortly after was What are you doing here?
I realized in this very moment that I had some big questions to ponder and so I packed my bag and headed seek refuge at a friends house, while I sought clarity within myself.
How do you know how to decipher between the signals of the body and the convincing arguments of the mind?
I’ve been noticing how much my body has to share with me, when I slow down enough to hear her. She shares so many clear messages with me.
For instance, I can visualize a number of different potential futures for MySelf. I can drop in to myself and really visualize and feel the realness of each potential future scenario. As I visualize each scenario in my mind, I like to feel into my body and she what her response looks like.
If I’m visualizing a future together, growing with my current partner, and my body feels expansive and free, that’s useful information. If I'm visualizing this future together and my body begins to contract and experience pain or heaviness, that’s also useful information.
I believe that our body’s know what we want and need, but our mind (who is always concerned about minimizing risk and maintaining our safety) is scared to acknowledge that. So they argue against the Body’s Wisdom.
Making a big decision is usually never easy. There are so many variables to consider, and always the dreaded contemplation of “What If…?”
I want to share some tips today, to help you out there who is stuck in contemplation and recognition of a challenging decision.
I share this with you from the space of still being inside my very painful experience, which feels potent.
#1 Tip for Clarity: Give yourself space and time.
When we feel the pressure surmounting around a big decision, it’s natural to want and resolved quickly. Also, the space of unknowingness can be quite uncomfortable for many of us. I encourage you to slow down and give yourself space. There’s no rush to make a decision right now. In fact, the surrendered allowing of space creates more ease and grounded-ness in your decision. Sometimes space means physical space. For me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to process clearly in the home, where I live with my partner & our pets. I knew that being in that home, where we’ve shared so much would influence my process. So I gave myself time + physical space to process.
By the way, the space is frightening in my system. A huge part of me wants to go home, snuggle with my cats and just hold my partner. And, I know in doing that I will lose clarity in my Truth.
#2 Tip for Clarity: Feel all the feels.
In this space of indecision, one can easily slip into a space of demanding clarity from oneself right now. I want to offer that part of this dynamic process is allowing emotions to be fully expressed, so they can move through you. I have experienced endless bits of deep sadness, confusion, excitement and ecstatic joy over the last few days. When an emotion arises, I lean in, feel it fully, and usually it moves through me with grace. The experiencing of these dynamic emotions are helping to clear my system so I can access my Ultimate Truth with clarity. I know these feelings are a part of the process and so I welcome them openly.
Inbetween moments of emotional expression, I have moments of pause, silence, clarity, or realization.
#3 Tip for Clarity: Accept the non-linear path.
While in this confusing and scary process, I must learn to accept and love the dynamic nature of healing. If I expect healing to be linear, I will always think that I’m moving backwards. Healing is not linear, nor is the process of decision making often times. Lean into and love the non-linear, colorful, unpredictable nature of this experience. If in one moment you feel strong and clear in your decision, and the next moment you are unraveling on the floor in the depths of your fear, allow that to be okay.
#4 Tip for Clarity: Learn to decipher between messages of the Body and Mind.
This is where clarity lives. I’ve learned over many experiences in my life that my body has one answer, and my mind has a million answers. Clarity lives within the body. So why don’t we use it? This disconnect is many-fold. In today’s fast paced world, many of us don’t slow down enough to really hear our Body’s discrete messages. We are receiving constant messages from our bodies. I know this because when I learned to listen and tune into my own temple, I started receiving many powerful messages. Those messages had always been there, but I wasn’t tuned into the subtleties of myself enough to hear them.
In my experience, when I’m contemplating a big decision, I’ll circle in a sort of disorganized pattern: Confusion, Emotional Expression, Moment of Clarity in the Body, Fear, Mind’s Stories, Confusion.
If I’m not aware of the forces at play, I’ll be jerked around in confusion circles of clarity and misdirection. I’ll begin to feel worn out at the consistent changing of energy and I’ll start to feel hopeless at the prospect of any clear direction.
Use observation and curiosity to discover the tendencies and patterns of your own mind and body. Learn to know what it feels like to receive a clear message from your body versus a thought from your mind.
Tip #5 for Clarity: Surrendered Based Trust.
Ultimately, if you follow these tips, you will end up at a place of clarity and direction. The hardest part about receiving crystal clear clarity around what to do, is Trusting that clarity. It’s SO HARD sometimes. And oftentimes, the most powerful decisions that will change our lives come with a lot of pain.
Surrendered Based Trust means accepting that life isn't always supposed to feel good. Surrender Based Trust means accepting whatever experience is here in front of me, and trusting that it is here for me. It means tuning into the innate wisdom of your body's knowing, and putting less importance on the mind's chatter.
Learning to Trust myself was similar to learning to ride a bike in that it takes consistent practice, and it often times feels like falling of a bike and scraping my knee. Making a decision that feels aligned in my body, even when my mind is worried about how I can make it happen; this is a powerful practice in Surrendered Based Trust.
Do that practice over and over and over again. Eventually, you'll naturally start to open up and TRUST your knowing and the flow of the Universe.
And when you're open to receiving the gifts of the Universe, she is available to shower with you everything you believe you are worthy of having.