Four Misconceptions about Personal Boundaries
Jan 03, 2020
Boundaries do not equal No.
We live in a time and culture where fear is abundant, and safety feels like a bonus, so it’s no wonder that boundaries are becoming a more popular topic of conversation.
And as the conversation becomes more mainstream, so leaks the endless information, some quite valid and helpful, and some quite misleading and destructive.
Boundaries are often described as putting up a wall, NO, a means of disconnection, or something to be used hastily in a moment when that weird guy is hitting on you at the club.
Boundaries are ACTUALLY an incredibly empowering tool that allow me to invite others into a version of more authentic and consensual connection with me.
If boundaries are SO amazing, why don’t people use them?
Fear that I will hurt their feelings. Fear that I won’t be liked if I set a boundary. Fear that nobody will enforce my boundary anyway, so what’s the point?
I am here today to clarify the many misleading myths around Boundaries and offer a new, empowering Boundary Paradigm.
A boundary is an agreement with oneself to take whatever means necessary in honoring my truest needs, desires and core values in any given moment.
This new paradigm understands that a boundary is a tool for personal empowerment, and when fully understood can be used to show up more authentically and in-alignment in every moment.
The new paradigm invites you to ditch the tendency of agreeing to something you don’t want to do, only because you’re scared that by standing in your no, you will cause disconnection.
No more resenting others for constantly overstepping your boundaries. The New Paradigm puts the power back in YOUR hands, to protect & honor your own boundaries.
In order to understand the foundation of this new paradigm, let’s examine a few common misconceptions about Boundaries.
Misconception #1: Boundaries = No
When I’m saying ‘no’ to one thing, I’m saying ‘yes’ to something else. I may be saying yes to alone time, space, or myself. When I do say ‘no’ through enforcing a healthy boundary, I’m saying ‘yes’ to deeper and more authentic connection.
Misconception #2: To set a boundary, I have to be mean or an asshole.
Once you learn to make your boundaries about you, and not the other person, it alleviates the feeling of blame and brings ease to the whole experience. Learning Badass Communication Skills can help you find the words and the way to communicate your message with clarity & great care.
Misconception #3: It’s up to other people to recognize and honor my boundaries.
You take back your power and sovereignty when you gracefully take ownership and responsibility for your own boundaries. Others will cross them, that is bound to happen. How your respond in that moment is up to you. If you enforce your boundaries, and they’re crossed once more, then you have another choice to make. We can request those in our lives to honor our boundaries, but must also be prepared to take care of ourselves if they choose not to honor said boundary.
Misconception #4: Boundaries are a tool for disconnection.
Honoring your personal boundaries creates space for you to be more available for authentic and present connection later. Your boundaries help to protect and preserve your energy. In doing this, you are able to show up more fully and authentically when you do choose connection. By honoring your own boundaries, you are saying YES to present, delicious connection.
When we obliterate these limiting misconceptions, it becomes clearer that boundaries are here to help us.
I’ve found that in my own life I feel more confident in myself through the process of Clarifying, Creating and Communicating my personal boundaries.
I’ve taken back creative control of my own Safety, Limitations and Desires! Instead of giving that responsibility to somebody else.
I’ve got a lot more powerful content coming out around boundaries! And, I hope this particular article has offered you an empowering reframe on a valuable tool: personal boundaries.
I’d love to hear your comments, shares and inquiries below!
Thank you for reading!! You gorgeous, incredible soul. I love You so very much!