The Importance & Role of Safety in Partnership
Jan 03, 2020
Safety-- this word is tossed around quite a lot in intimacy and relationship space. And for good reason, Safety is an absolutely crucial puzzle piece to creating and sustaining a thriving, mutual partnership (in my view).
What exactly does safety entail though? I feel safe that my partner will not physically abuse me...is that enough? How can me and my partner actually establish a baseline of safety in our union?
Safety in Relationship is the knowing that both myself and my partner honor ourselves, each other & our union with compassion, love & respect in every given moment. Safety means that even when we are facing difficult challenges, we still adhere to our mutual agreements around trust, behavior and communication. Safety is the knowing that we have each others back, above having the backs of any outsiders. Safety means US FIRST.
What I just described are some of many ways I experience safety in my personal relationships. And the beautiful thing about safety is that it’s unwavering presence allows for the trusted exploration of self between the two of us. When I feel safe in my partnership, I don’t think twice about expressing myself or Living my Truth. I don’t wonder will he leave if I express this part of myself? Or, will she still love me if she knows this about me? Because when safety is present, abandonment rarely rears her frightening head.
In my view, Intimate Partnership is a platform for self-discovery, mutual-growth, and full self-expression. The HEALING that can occur through partnership is through expressing myself fully, including my dark shadow sides, and still being met with complete love, compassion & acceptance. This experience, can lead to deep healing in a person, especially if they’ve never experienced such unconditional love before.
And sometimes, a piece of your partner will show up that you find very hard to love. And that is okay, and that is part of the journey. Now your work is to look inside and understand why this piece of someone affects you so deeply. And from this place of introspective self-work, you learn to love & appreciate that part of somebody rather than condemn it.
Safety says: I don’t expect you to be perfect. I anticipate to encounter challenges as I continue to love you. And, my commitment is to hold the greater vision of our union above the triggering reactions of my emotions. I agree to stay, and honor you and myself, and work to expand my capacity to Love through the process of loving you.
It is through the creation of and commitment to safety in my current partnership that I have been able to grow, evolve and transform more eloquently & consistently than ever before.
To begin creating safety in your partnership, you must identify and confirm that safety is important to both of you. Safety cannot be sustained without two willing partners. Once there is a mutual desire established, the two of you can simply begin the conversation. What does safety look and feel like for you? What does it look and feel like for your partner?
Use your own unique and shared desires to create your own agreements around safety. What practices can we establish? What are important boundaries that need be set? Where do we feel strong? Where would we like to grow?
I invite you to give yourself patience, understanding & compassion as you attempt to navigate this new territory. Know that, you will likely face challenges especially in the beginning when the two of you are trying to figure out exactly what safety feels like for you. Know that, safety is what you want it to be. Safety will look different for every partnership.
You know there is safety when you feel free, open and supported in BEing Who You Are and Showing all of your beautiful sides. And it is in this beautiful knowing, this feeling, that we can begin to experience a journey through partnership that is more ecstatic and evolving than we ever could have imagined.
Thank you for taking precious moments out of your day to read. I’d love to hear your feedback, questions, comments and personal stories alike. Please reach out through the contact page or on social media to keep the conversation going!