Four Misconceptions about Personal Boundaries

Boundaries do not equal No.
 
We live in a time and culture where fear is abundant, and safety feels like a bonus, so it’s no wonder that boundaries are becoming a more popular topic of conversation.
 
And as the conversation becomes more mainstream, so leaks the endless information, some quite valid and helpful, and some quite misleading and destructive.
 
Boundaries are often described as putting up a wall, NO, a means of disconnection, or something to be used hastily in a moment when that weird guy is hitting on you at the club.
 
Boundaries are ACTUALLY an incredibly empowering tool that allow me to invite others into a version of more authentic and consensual connection with me.
 
If boundaries are SO amazing, why don’t people use them?
 
Fear.
 
Fear that I will hurt their feelings. Fear that I won’t be liked if I set a boundary. Fear that nobody will enforce my boundary anyway, so what’s...
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The Importance & Role of Safety in Partnership

Safety-- this word is tossed around quite a lot in intimacy and relationship space. And for good reason, Safety is an absolutely crucial puzzle piece to creating and sustaining a thriving, mutual partnership (in my view).
 
What exactly does safety entail though? I feel safe that my partner will not physically abuse me...is that enough? How can me and my partner actually establish a baseline of safety in our union?
 
Safety in Relationship is the knowing that both myself and my partner honor ourselves, each other & our union with compassion, love & respect in every given moment. Safety means that even when we are facing difficult challenges, we still adhere to our mutual agreements around trust, behavior and communication. Safety is the knowing that we have each others back, above having the backs of any outsiders. Safety means US FIRST.
 
What I just described are some of many ways I experience safety in my personal relationships. And the...
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WTF Happened to Relationships?

I inspired to write this article, because when I look around today (through the lens of my clients in my practice, and in my own daily experience), I see a modern society that is held together by the thin strand of superficial relationships.
 
I really want to see you SO BAD soon, let’s make it happen!
She’s great in almost every way EXCEPT for this one thing?
Are there ANY good men left out there?
 
These are some of the moments I capture in deep observation. Based on these and others, I have defined two main challenges I see in building authentically beautiful caring & inspiring Intimate Relationships.
 
The first challenge is this: In the era of self-love and self-care, many of us have created unrealistic expectations for the caliber of human we are to allow into our world. While this tall order was created from a place of care for oneself, it can be a destructive force in destroying even potentially fulfilling relationships,...
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